Chaos Critter Tails: A Mystery Solved!

The Case of the Eviscerated Vulpine

I was in my office when the dame rushed in, her long dark hair streaming behind her. She scritched under my chin and told me the bad news. “Beleth, Mr. Fox has been murdered! We need your help to find the culprit.”

I was flabbergasted. Mr. Fox had joined our Chaos Critter family years ago. Who could have it in for our friendly orange vulpine? I looked out my office window and considered.

“The game’s afoot!” I shouted before rushing to the scene of the crime.

Poor Mr. Fox was a sight. He’d been disemboweled and posed in a bizarre, almost dancing position, with a toy for a disco-ball above the sad sightless eyes. What horrible fiend could have done this?

Which brought the local calico, Aki to mind. All calicos are troublemakers. That’s not stereotyping – just ask one. They’re very upfront about it.

Aki said she’d been asleep. A likely story, I thought. “Did anyone see you sleeping?”

Fortunately for her, Fluffy corroborated Aki’s story. I accepted her words, since Fluffy didn’t have the physical strength for the grisly task. And, wrack my brain as I did, I could not conceive of a motive for a Crested Gecko to slaughter a helpless fox.

And she is my girlfriend.

Maybe not up to Perry Mason’s standards of evidence.

But deal with it.

Mr. Fox and the rest had been members of the family for years. But what about the newest, brainless member? I asked Dante what he’d been been doing?

He asked, “Who? Me? I was watching a turtle.”

The turtle was unavailable for comment. So I put a question mark next to Dante’s name.

Next on my list was the biggest member of the family – Crokell.

“Crokers, did you tear up Mr. Fox?”

Crokell huffed and lifted his head. “Is this the face of a killer? I was outside melting in the shade. Some bees saw me.”

I got the male human to take me down to the bee hive at the corner.

The hive was abuzz with news of the gruesome event. However, the little guys confirmed the big guy’s story.

I was secretly relieved. Crokers is my big brother after all.

Stinky litterbox! All my suspects had alibis.

I put on my thinking cap. After a nap, I mean some deep thinking, I realized something. I’m pretty good with high technology. And just because I’d exhausted the suspect list didn’t mean I’d exhausted my list of possible witnesses!

I gallumphed over to Frank’s house. Frank was just setting out on a clean-up mission. But he stopped to talk with me.

And I had it! Frank is a camera buff. He takes pictures and movies of things he sees on his mission. No real reason. Just a silly hobby.

A hobby that hit pay dirt!

I ran to the newest member of the family where he was harassing my big brother and confronted him with the evidence.

“Dante what do you have to say to this?”

Dante’s reply was immediate and revealing. He attacked my big brother, going for the throat.

The Menace was quickly subdued. As he was collared (and leashed) he barked, “What’ll happen to me?”

I checked my law reference.

“You’re going into the big pen. For a long time.”

Dante, The Menace, looked at me from behind the bars. “My only regret is being caught. Because, after all, what is best in life? To eviscerate your toys. To make pillows of the corpses. That is what is best in life.”